4104

Joke of the Day

"Every year you swallow ten beetles in your sleep! That's what my gastroentomologist told me."

"My guidelines for whether or not to have sex with a female were the same as how I chose outdoor sports. If there was grass on the field, I played ball."

"A skeleton walks into a bar and says give me a beer... ...and a mop"

"You may think it's a good idea to go to weight watchers to meet women... but actually the ones there are quite hard to pick up."

"Just ate so much burrito that halfway through, I couldn't remember a time when I wasn't eating a burrito"

"Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news) As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to ""Whoa Dude."""

"Your gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"How do you pick up a girl from Auschwitz..... With a broom and a dustpan."

"I've dedicated my entire life to getting prostitutes off the streets For an hour or so each day."

"*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food."