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Joke of the Day

"You'll NEVER guess who I came across the other day... your MOM!"

"[NSFW] What's the difference between pussy and parsley? Nobody eats parsley."

"What does a book of definitions and an erection have in common? They're both *dick-shun-airy's* (erections are filled with deoxygenated blood.... bit of a weak connection I know...)"

"What do Jesus and a nerd have in common? Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle."

"What can a duck do that a lawyer can't? Shove its bill up its ass."

"Q: What insect lives on nothing? A: Moths, because they eat holes."

"There's a part of me that still loves you. I hit that part with a hammer. Stupid part."

"How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says ""lather rinse repeat."""

"HILLARY CLINTON: Putin wants a puppet as the US president KERMIT THE FROG: YAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!"

"Some of you I'd like to take under my wing like a mother hen. Others of you I'd like to trap between my thighs like the Cougar that I am."