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Joke of the Day

"no one at this funeral has mentioned what the hashtag is yet"

"My dad found an Altoid tin in his attic and told me it was worth over $400. He said it was worth so much because it was in mint condition."

"On one hand, I'm intrigued by witchcraft. On the other hand, it seems like it involves a lot of chopping and cooking."

"JELLYFISH: *to friend* Want to see something disgusting? Watch this. *stings person* FRIEND: That wasn't dis... JELLYFISH: Wait a minute."

"What do Snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren."

"What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb? I have made a grave mistake."

"Do women know that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?"

"What's the difference between fishing and dating? In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk."

"A teenager tells his dad ""Dad I just had sex for the first time ."" The father trying to hide his excitement tells his son "" here son sit down and lets talk about it"" The son replies "" I can't"""

"Give yourself something to look forward to tomorrow: Text a friend, ""I think you owe me an apology,"" then turn off your phone and go to bed"