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Joke of the Day

"When an 8 falls over it's an infinity til it gets up."

"Selling a vacuum has to be nearly impossible. They all suck."

"Why was the mother cow mad at father cow? Because she had beef with him."

"The taco shop gave me napkins, don't they know I'm a professional burrito eater? That's like giving condoms to a porn star."

"To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but can't run!"

"Down in de islands, what do they call de dew in de morning? Daylight come!"

"REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU"

"I have a dog. He has no legs. I named him ""Cigarette."" And everyday, I take him for a drag."

"What do a walrus and a zip-lock bag have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."

"A wife asks her newfie husband to stop by the grocery store on the way home... She tells him, ""pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen"" He comes home later with 12 loaves of bread"