163796

Joke of the Day

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator"

"What do you call a basement full of SJW's? A whine cellar."

"I want to invent an intravenous drug. I will name it Lord's Name, and people will be taking the Lord's Name in vein."

"Ever since I swallowed a watch I've been keeping myself busy taking laxitives, eating lots of fruit and drinking prune juice. Anything to pass the time."

"So my girlfriend thinks I'm stalking her. Well, she's not a my girlfriend but she will be soon."

"I'm currently standing in the 12 items or less line, holding 16 items, freaking the fuck out."

"Riding up in the elevator with a bunch of children. So much screaming & crying. You'd think one of them would ask me what the hell's wrong."

"What do you call a bass player without a GF? Homeless."

"What do you call a documentary on Nuns? Virgin Media."

"Driving with one hand on top of the steering wheel, because ""10 and 2"" is 12"