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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Slut and a Bitch? A Slut sleeps with everyone A Bitch sleeps with everyone, except you."

"Groot asks a man for help, the man says... ""Hodor""."

"[at daycare] Me: I'm here to pick up my son Daycare: what's he look like? Me: *points to my face* D: oh. Ok"

"How do you know if a fortune-teller is shit? You knock on her door and she shouts ""Who is it?""."

"Which dog can tell time? A watchdog."

"My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head."

"Give a man fire... Keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"What's the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period? Getting your palms red at the same time."

"""I love you. I love you. Pay attention to me. I love you. Ok I'm fed now. I HATE YOU DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"" - Cats"

"What do you call a Pumpkin who eats too much? A Plumpkin."