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Joke of the Day

"In principle, I can stop drinking, the thing is I don't have such a principle."

"Dear girls that go tanning, it's called 'sunkissed', it's not called 'dorito raped'."

"Asia and his father are playing a board game. Asia's father takes his turn. He looks at Asia and says, ""Europe, Asia."""

"I'm single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice."

"What's worse than a puppy nailed to a tree? A puppy nailed to 7 trees."

"My thesis just came back with ""Appendix?"" scrawled on it. Seems a little forward but I thought: sure, why not?."

"The police knocked on my door and told me my dog was chasing some fella on a bike. I said fuck off my dog ain't even got a bike."

"I have a UPS joke Sorry it was delivered it to your landlord's off property leasing office ten miles down the road."

"My childhood has prepared me for a lot more bear-related pic-a-nic-basket thefts than I'm currently experiencing."

"The iPhone 7 is an of all trades Sorry, I meant ""jack of all trades"" but there's no more jack."