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Joke of the Day

"'maybe the world wasn't ready for pizza perfume' i thought to myself as i hid in a dumpster, watching the townspeople try to eat each other"

"What did the vampire say when his son scraped his knee? **""Suck it up""**"

"Reading texts you sent when you were drunk is like terrifying digital archeology."

"A black man walks into a bar... ...with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender exclaims, ""Wow! How exotic! Where did you get it?"" ""Africa"" Says the parrot."

"My therapist told me to I need to learn to love myself... That would be settling, though- I can do better than that piece of crap!"

"These microwaved pot stickers taste like fixed income."

"A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested ""You can't eat me ? I'm the manager!"" ""Well"" said the cannibal ""soon you'll be a manager in chief."""

"Jesus dropped his cross for the 3rd time, and Simon of Cyrene said to him: ""Do you even lift bro?"""

"3 tomatoes are walking down the street A dad tomato, a mom tomato and a child tomato. The child starts to lag behind so, the dad walks back to him and squashes him and says ""ketchup"""

"What did batman say to robin before robin got in the car? get in the car"