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Joke of the Day

"You had me at: I'm calling the police."

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"What do witches use pencil sharpeners for? To keep their hats pointed."
"Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I fell last night' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight hours.' The nurse was shocked. 'How awful. What happened?' 'I fell asleep!'"
"I did some LSD and watched a candle burn all night. It was wicked."
"Shawty dropped to the ground like she ain't got manners There was too much lights for an epileptic girl to handle"
"How to mess with people To REALLY mess with people, try drinking Gatorade from a Windex bottle."
"I like writing my own chemistry jokes... Because the only good ones Argon."
"I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?"
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible."
"When impersonating a coworker, I like to add a little extra dumb to their voice."