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Joke of the Day

"HER: I think we should see other people. ME: I don't. We're awful. We should leave other people alone."

"What concert can you go to for 45 cents? 50 Cent ft. Nickelback"

"How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, real men aren't afraid of the dark"

"Doctor wanted a semen sample, stool sample and urine sample. I gave him a pair of my underwear. Here, you sort it out."

"I'd sit on Ellen Pao's face... ... Just so I wouldn't have to look at it."

"How do you end beef with someone? With the assistance of your friend, use a machete to chop the cow into pieces."

"Craigslist is useful until you need a list of people named Craig."

"Fellow Black Friday shopper: I'm so excited! What are you trying to buy? Me: oh I can't afford anything, I'm hoping to be trampled to death"

"""Do you like exotic birds? "" Yea, you do look like you've had a cock-or-two."

"I wish I was poplar. No, that's not a typo. I wish I was a tree."