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Joke of the Day

"Alsation: How did you find the fleas? Beagle: I didn't! They found me!"

"I asked a Jewish girl for her number... She rolled up her sleeve"

"Angela Merkel got sad when she heard that she didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize after taking in so many Syrian refugees So I offered her a tissue "

"""Let's call it a day."" -Guy who invented that word"

"Funny how whenever I ask someone how a girl I knew is doing, the first thing they say is ""married.""nLike that's gonna stop me!"

"9yo: Look what I made! Me: What? 9yo: I taped 2 toilet rolls & made binoculars! Me: Great.*Holds up iPhone* This is what 9yos in China make."

"The good thing about being tall is, you can't get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can't get lost in a crowd."

"It's widely known that some members of a prison population become well-read and crafty with words. Sometimes you can mix prose with cons."

"What did the math book say to the literature book? You're so full of great stories, I'm just filled with problems"

"Pizza delivery boy . . . What does a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it!"