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Joke of the Day

"Someone stole my copy of Microsoft Word. Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Word, I'll track you down. You have my Word. EDIT: I saw this on /r/puns and reposted it here. I Excel at reposting."

"Ask your siblings to close your door and they will start telling u how u treated them 3 months ago"

"If you like drunk girls in really high heels, you may also be attracted to newborn ponies."

"Dad rocks,son shocked! Son - ""Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"" Dad - ""Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."""

"What do you call a cheating wife? a Jenny"

"I can't diet because it would devastate the local fast food economy, and frankly, I just don't think I could live with that kind of guilt."

"The Earth gets a day, Sharks get a week. That sounds about right."

"Why can't a hand be 12 inches long? BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!"

"I found out something today. You should always stay happy because 'sad' spelled backwards is das. Andd.... das not good."

"AOL was hacked yesterday so watch out for spam email that looks like it came from 1995."