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Joke of the Day

"I went through and unfollowed everyone who is better looking than me. It took a lot longer than I thought it would."

"I'm going to open an ISIS themed cafe called Allahu Snackbar - our food is the bomb."

"What do you call a girl who fucks dogs? Weird... Haha fuck naw you call em Whitney Wisconsin"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter. He won't come anyway."

"Why are storms always called girls names? Because when they come they are always wet and uncontrollable, and when they disappear they take or destroy all your stuff"

"What's a wombat for? For playing wom"

"remember when everyone was worried we'd reached ""peak TV"" with too much to watch then it turned out we're a tragic nation of unending racism"

"How does Steve Bannon, Trump's Senior Chief Strategist feel after he gets over a cold? Alt-Right"

"Was asked to make the potato salad. I made it while sitting on the couch. Yep, made Couch Potato Salad."

"Me: This is a nice, quiet neighborhood. Real estate agent: This is a cemetery. Me: I'll take it."