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Joke of the Day

"I went through and unfollowed everyone who is better looking than me. It took a lot longer than I thought it would."

"Wife: You're shirtless? *nods* W: And covered in...oil? -Well, you know how you always say I never glisten? W: Listen. You never listen. -Oh"

"How did Jamie find Cersei in the long grass? Satisfying."

"reverse racism the biggest joke of all"

"How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb? ""Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill."""

"I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part."

"Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel... There's no ballroom."

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss... but you won't miss. You've trained your whole life for this. Take the shot. Kill the moon."

"As a young southern farmer I used to dread wasting my time with hoes Now finally I can afford a tractor"

"The Magic Conch I started imagining the magic conch episode of spongebob, but with a cock in place of the conch. I think it has potential"