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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the fruit get married? They cantaloupe"

"What came first, the Chicken or the Egg? That depends on which one you had for starters"

"I use to be terrified of speed bumps... But I slowly got over it."

"You're 15 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt."

"How do you know if someone is a socialist? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up."

"What's a bartender's favorite book? Tequilla mocking bird."

"Where does the USB key come from? Uzbekistan!"

"I wish vaginas were like MacBooks. Macs don't get viruses."

"I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary."