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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a veal-birthing cow? De-calf"

"Remember, if you get dumped, it's only because they're looking for someone sexier and more attractive. It has NOTHING to do with you."

"What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1"

"Is it okay to kiss a nun? Sure, a long as you don't get in the habit."

"If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life."

"Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement."

"A lot of people say that alt-right would be good for America. I'll try it if Ctrl-alt-delete doesn't work."

"I once made an error in little league, When I signed up to play."

"Hagrid is so fat The Sorting Hat put him in the Waffle House"

"Fred: ""I can't believe Ben is in the hospital. Just yesterday, I saw him with a gorgeous blonde."" Bob: ""So did his wife."""