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Joke of the Day
"How do you change a cat into a dog? Soak it in gasoline, hold a match up to it, and ""woof!"""
Next Joke
"What do you call a crisis where you're the same before and after? An identity crisis!"
"I love Honest Abe. Do you want to hear my favourite quote from him? ""My head hurts."""
"I always thought I should be a comedian... ... because growing up my parents always told me I was a fucking joke."
"It's so cold in south florida, I just saw an iguana kill a squirrel and use it as a scarf."
"I did a poll on the percentage of EE student that have sex in their life, 2/50 say they have sex. 2 people lied. (its true, they told me after I ask who they have sex with)"
"*Sees girl trying to reach soup on top shelf* ""Here let me get that"" I say [Beacuse I'm much taller] *I put the soup in my cart & walk away*"
"I want a kiss cam at my funeral"
"I don't mind when a waitress says, ""Is Pepsi fine?"" when I ask for some coke. But when my drug dealer says it, it's kind of annoying"
"Me: Hurry up kid. We're gonna be late for school 6 y/o daughter: *begins eating each Lucky Charms marshmallow individually*"