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Joke of the Day

"My ex wife claims I have ""commitment issues"" like I didn't just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco."

"Bae: come over. Me: Can't. I've to finish posting this joke. Bae: My parents aren't home."

"Why I'm leaving r/Jokes Going for some sushi. Brb in a hour or so."

"Soon after we find out Bruce Jenner wants to be a woman, he gets into a car wreck Really getting into character I see"

"What's bad about wetting your bed? Urine it."

"Are you getting older and wiser? No he's getting older and wider!"

"[wife checking on me and the kids] Hello ""I called the house, you didn't answer."" I went out. ""Ok. Well how have they been?"" How's who been?"

"My doctor told me I needed to lose some weight. So I cut off my leg."

"You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? Hahahaa WHY!!??"

"I've recently admitted to being a masochist. The realization has been painful, but I like it."