161941

Joke of the Day

"Vanilla Ice: if there was a problem, yo I'll solve it... [Guy from back of concert]: why did my dad leave?"

"Oh, you lost your phone and it's on silent? That's too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it."

"I get suicidal when I play guitar So I don't fret about it Sorry [8]"

"If I gave everyone on the planet a penny... ...would that be considered common cents?"

"It's cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks. I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesise with him."

"[two hours into describing a criminal to a police sketch artist] ...But when he took off the mask, he just looked like a normal guy"

"Why do Feminists lay down during sex? They can't *stand* seeing a man have a good time."

"What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until hes 13"

"Drank enough whiskey to talk the husband into a Titanic reenactment. He's laying in the snow and I won't share the picnic table with him."

"Chuck Norris opened the Ark of the Covenant and kept his eyes open. The Ark melted."