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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by ordering the wrong sandwich for my wife. Oops, wrong sub. Edit: Turns out this has been posted before :("

"what did the leper say to the prostitute? You can keep the tip."

"I heard Samsung is making a feature film They're calling it Total Recall."

"What famous actor costs an arm & a leg to hire? ARMold SchwarzenLEGger"

"Did you hear about the carnival fires? They were intense."

"I play music for the National Alzheimer's Awareness club ""Somebody I used to know"" probably wasn't the best song to pick"

"What's a narcoleptics favorite game? Hide and go sleep."

"Why does a chicken coupe only have two doors? Because if it had four it would be a sedan."

"What does Batman get in his drink? Just Ice"

"[spelling bee] Your word is 'impossible' ""Oh, well I guess no point in trying"" *walks off stage*"