161830

Joke of the Day

"What is long, brown and covered in flies? The welfare line."

"NOW THAT is a great looking tie! just. WOW. I mean, SHIT, that's nice! seriously, that tie is fucking PERFECT! ... I ran over your kid."

"*takes pen and notepad from psychiatrist's hand ""This'll go quicker if you let me do it."""

"A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" The screwdriver responds, ""You have a drink named Murray?"""

"Going to take my girlfriend out on a date to a Jewish restaurant. Hopefully it'll bring us kosher."

"Where did Noah keep his bees? In the Ark Hives."

"What is H1B for ""Come here often?"" ? Visit this establishment frequently ?"

"I'm really good at sex I ALWAYS come 1st."

"The Hunger Games is like Soccer. Everyone runs around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand."

"The Welsh were among the first to use sheep intestines as condoms.... The English perfected them by removing them from the sheep before using."