161567

Joke of the Day

"My friend asked me how I know the smell of a wet dog since I'm a Muslim and can't have one I told him my girlfriend is a Christian."

"Witch: Doctor doctor I don't feel well. Doctor: Don't worry you'll just have to go to bed for a spell."

"Imagine if our butt crack was horizontal There would be a clapping sound everytime we go up the stairs"

"*follows around a family of ducks in the park while playing Sandstorm on a boombox*"

"So my fiancee rolls over, wakes me up, and says, ""honey, your alarm is going off."" I say..... ""pics or didn't happen."""

"If I got in a fight, the first thing I'd do is take off my shirt so he could see the scars where I've burned myself ironing. He'd back down."

"I went to the health clinic the other day... My doctor said I weighed 483 pounds but I shouldn't worry about it because we are in the UK"

"What do Big Ben and the House of Commons have in common? Both have a huge bellend swinging his weight around inside"

"""I'd hit that!"" -Helpful blackjack dealer"

"(SPOILERS) What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere? A Hyundai."