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Joke of the Day

"I bought a 12 pack of condoms the other day. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag, I said ""Nah, I'll just turn the lights off""."

"If ADHD is heritable, is it therefore energenetic?"

"What do people in the South use instead of www.Ancestry.com? www.incestry.com"

"COP: do you know why I pulled you over? COP'S WIFE: *now next to him on the couch* Because you're scared of the movie COP: Yes it's too real"

"Max wondered why the ball was slowing growing larger.... and then it hit him."

"What would you order... From a menstruating ice cream scooper in Ireland? Sunday, Bloody Sunday."

"I wanna get Transitions Lens LASIK surgery, so that when I'm out in the sun my eyes go black and children will run away from me."

"A small plane crashed into a cemetery... the forensics found no survivors. They have found 268 bodies by sunset. They will continue searching tomorrow morning..."

"What do you get when the Pillsburry Doughboy bends over Dough nuts"

"A demon that writes messages on your mirror with blood but they're useful messages. Like ""remember you have yoga at 6 tonight"""