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Joke of the Day

"[Stock market crashes] ""Oh no, I better check on my investments!"" *opens cupboard over top of the sink* [1000s of Shrek dvds fall out]"

"I just read a book about a girl who escapes from her parent's dispiriting home. It's a runaway best seller."

"What's the difference between Ray Rice's wife and a fish? A fish can take a left hook."

"Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?"

"Almost had a threesome last night.... Just needed two more people (Sure its been done before but I couldn't resist)"

"What do you call a Greek intellectual that only eats kimchee? An Epikorean."

"Swimming is my favorite recreational activity that's also a desperate attempt not to die"

"Disney is releasing an alternate version of its latest film for the Indian audience where Nemo's father starts looking for a bride for his son. It's called Finding Dowry."

"What makes a hockey player laugh? (Warning: Cheesy) Slapstick Comedy!"

"[commercial for mops] *scene of a man licking up a pool of spilled soda off the dirty floor* ""There has to be a better way"" Narrator:MOPS"