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Joke of the Day

"Scottish Independence"

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"To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave."
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"My pet butterfly got a tattoo of my lower back"
"[me on a ledge] COP: (through megaphone) WE'VE CALLED SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP! *Kris Kross steps out of a police van*"
"Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party ? It was a scream !"
"What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar? This is the plot of ""Edward Sizzlerhands"""
"What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)"
"how do I keep my skin looking so young? it's all thanks to [turns to camera smiling] an ancient curse [locusts pour from my mouth & eyes]"