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Joke of the Day
"what do you get when you put a baby in a blender? nsfw an erection"
Next Joke
"Going to meet my daughter's kindergarten teacher tonight. Her name is Miss Cox. Not sure I'm mature enough for this situation."
"I used to date an anaesthetist... She was a local girl. [credit to seeing this on QI]"
"What is DNA short for? National Dyslexics Association"
"Why did the chicken cross the road? FUCK, MY CHICKEN'S IN THE ROAD? WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?! JESUS CHRIST, HE COULD GET RAN THE FUCK OVER! YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!!"
"Success is having no idea where the nearest Coinstar machine is."
"Why are asprins white? Because they work!"
"Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree. Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella. Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?"
"While stalking someone on Facebook, I accidentally liked a picture 700 tags deep. Not even Yahoo! Answers has a solution for this."
"My wife said she had a doctor's appointment at 2:30. I asked her if she was sure it wasn't a dentist's appointment."