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Joke of the Day

"I decided to stand on my left foot when the clock reached twelve tonight So I could start the year off right"

"I was bitten by a crow, since then I've had the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a guy who is bleeding from the head a bit"

"2016 took so many beautiful, talented men I've loved my entire life. Seems unfair that I still have to dodge my ex at the grocery store."

"DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew ME: [I don't hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]"

"How does a woman show she's planning for the future? Plastic Surgery."

"What do you call a pastry with an English degree? A synonym roll"

"There should be a 5 second rule when girls start to cry where they can take it back. Win-win."

"I couldn't think of a good joke Then I looked in the mirror"

"You're Like The End Of The Bread... Everybody touches you, but nobody wants you."

"Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and forty nine cents and deer nuts are under a buck"