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Joke of the Day

"I'm really looking to re-capture my lost youth... ...my basement door doesn't lock properly"

"What do you get when you cross... an insomniac, a dyslectic, and an agnostic... A: someone whos stays up at night wondering if there's dog"

"Empty out and clean a mace container. Fill with water Stare into the eyes of your enemies as you spray your own eyes and never blink"

"Two flies are on a toilet seat. One gets pissed off."

"What do you say to a lawyer with a IQ less than 50? Good morning your Honor!"

"Eventually Adobe is going to release a software application that does nothing but update itself."

"Light a fire for a man and he'll be warm for an hour... light him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"TIL that there is a subreddit dedicated to praising Nancy Grace for her contributions to modern medical science. LOL! Not really, no. She is a bad person, and should feel bad."

"Two men were arguing when one goes: 'Come at me, you wanna fight? You can bring all your friends vs me'..... ... And then I'll beat up the BOTH of you."

"The chicken and the road of doom Why did the chicken cross the road? i don't know kernel sanders got him. R.i.p. lil' chicken"