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Joke of the Day
"What do (does?) Rihanna and Onion Rings have in common? They're both battered."
Next Joke
"Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy"
"Every couple weeks I pour a little cocoa powder and hot milk down the sink as a pick me up for any struggling mole people."
"What's up with gay analysts? They anal-ize."
"Someone hired a sloth with a knife to murder me, he's in my driveway, so I have 6-8 months to live"
"Is there a mouse in the house ? No but there's a moose on the loose !"
"Did I tell you about the time I was going down on my grandmother? All I could taste was horse semen... So I thought to myself, ""this must be how she died!"""
"What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands? Canta Plaus. Source: https://youtu.be/44aiB0vB36Y"
"Lifeguards wouldn't let Obama in the pool because he had weeping *legions*"
"How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon? They'll tell you"