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Joke of the Day

"met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen"

"How do you get a fat person into bed? Piece of cake."

"A missionary came to my door asking if I could help with the floods in India. I said sure, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway."

"It only took four men to wallpaper my house, but I had to slice them really thin."

"The initials of the Sri Lankan players read like DOS commands. MKDIR, CHKDSK."

"For sale: Standards. Mint condition. Barely used."

"A bear walked in the forest Suddenly he saw a burning car. The bear sat in the car. And burned."

"Apparently skinny girls are no longer to be called anorexic. They prefer ""trans-fat"""

"I hate passive-aggressive people. _You know what you did_"

"I Farted in an Apple Store I FARTED IN A APPLE STORE AND THEY GOT MAD But it's NOT MY FAULT THEY DON'T HAVE WINDOWS"