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Joke of the Day

"Amazing how in the last 30 years, the United States has completely transitioned from an industrial powerhouse to a brunch-based economy."

"It's unlucky to glance over your shoulder while wearing a sweater made of rabbit wool... Don't look back in angora."

"Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson."

"I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer. Credit to Steven Wright."

"Just saw a couple of dudes trying to grab an old lady's purse so I ran over to help. We got it off her eventually"

"I love dying from sneezing 11 times in a row and being defibrillated back to life with a 12th"

"I figured something was fishy with my doctor when he was giving me a rectal exam, but he had both hands on my shoulders."

"What's the difference between beekeeping and falconry? Falconers have to be more talon-ted"

"Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!"

"We got your viagra A man walks into a pharmacy to pick up some prescription drugs. The pharmacist says: ""oh, we got your viagra!"" The man replies: ""I don't give a fuck anymore"""