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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor's burglar alarm goes off so often that people just ignore it. On the upside, their new plasma TV looks great in my living room."

"I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere."

"""What's this ticket, officer?"" - Loitering ""I didn't drop trash"" - No. Loitering. ""You talk funny"" - It's not- ""I'm putting this on Twoiter"""

"Cars have reverse lights so you can drive the wrong way at night, like the signs tell you to."

"If you are hotter than me, wouldn't that make me cooler than you."

"A black guy and a Puerto Rican guy are carpooling to work together."

"In a philosophy class... Professor: Sometimes an idiot's question is too hard for even 10 geniuses to answer. One student pipes up: No wonder I fail my tests."

"My phone dies, freeing me from my prison. I look up at the world. Deer live in my house."

"I like Gravity... It keeps me down to earth"

"What do you call a plane with a muslim on it? Death row"