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Joke of the Day

"For valentine's day, I'm taking my wife to see ""50 Shades"". How long is the movie? I need to know what time to pick her up."

"There are two rules for success: 1. never tell everything you know."

"A sunrise is probably the most beautiful way to find out you just made a series of bad decisions."

"Saudi Arabia... ...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council."

"Two gay guys are standing on a corner when a hot man walks by. Gay man 1 leans over and says, ""See that guy? He's a good fuck."" Gay man 2 says, ""No shit?"" Gay man 1 replies, ""Well, hardly any."""

"There are 10 types of people in this world Those that understand binary. The eight types that don't give a fuck. And those that expected this to be a ternary repost."

"This guy's all like ""I think you've had enough beers for one night."" Then I'm all ""Fuck you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."""

"What does the Sargeant of the Knowledge division always tell his troops to get? in formation"

"One of my fantasies is meeting Bono from U2 and saying ""I'm a huge fan, Bobo."""

"Why are there trees in Harlem? Public Transport"