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Joke of the Day

"What do the starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both go to Uranus to wipe out the Klingons. [old classic]"

"A man falls over and lands on a globe. He heads to the doctors. The doctor asks what's wrong. ""I've got this spain in my arsehole."""

"I told my friend I hope to deliver a joke half as well as her some day. Sadly, we men will never know the joys of childbirth."

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance: the five stages of watching them put lettuce on your sandwich at Subway."

"I'm going to attempt to dehydrate myself for the depravity contest. I hope I win thirst prize."

"How do you overcome tyrannical pancakes? U syrup 'em"

"What do you call a news anchor with diarrhea? Anderson Pooper"

"Diplomacy is saying ""nice doggy"" until you find a big rock."

"Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson. If you don't finish something...it's really not the end of the world."

"Working out For me going to the gym is a lot like having sex. I'm get nervous before, it doesn't last as long as I want it to, I'm ashamed the whole time, and I usually cry afterwards."