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Joke of the Day

"Tread lightly on the path, as we all have a journey to make. Unless you're super hungry, in which case you're allowed to mow people down."

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't pass this math class ""You held up 2 fingers just now"" Ok then give me that many reasons"

"911 what is your emergency? Me: ""My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home"" 911: ""stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING"

"What does the sun and cleavage have in common? You can look at both for a second, but if want to stare you need to wear sunglasses."

"While visiting Ireland last year, a nice friendly old man said to me... ""Sir, if you ever come within a mile of my house, I hope you will stop there."""

"Do I turn left, when nothing is right? Or do I turn right, when there's nothing left?"

"""That's funny"" is a nice way of letting someone know it really wasn't."

"Me: What are you doing in your pajamas still? 3 year old: Eating frosting. Me: Fair enough."

"A good book is like a good puppy. Both are easy to pick up but hard to put down."

"The reason no one likes my story about a broken pencil: It's pointless."