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Joke of the Day

"[emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No"

"I'm the first to review a series of roads that have no left turns ... ... it's alright."

"Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert? [OC] It was her sole comfort."

"What do they call number 17 in black jack ? The stepmother, because sometimes you want to hit her, even though you shouldn't"

"All that voted for Brexit should be jailed for pedophilia... Because they want to fuck an entire generation of kids."

"Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake."

"[board meeting] ""So Mr Parachute do you have a name for your invention?"" ""I call it the 'Makes the Ground Come at You a Bit Slower'."" ""No."""

"A fun thing to do is to tell a complete stranger that you met your boyfriend on Twitter and then show them a cat."

"I a tendency to skip words."

"Is your refrigerator running? Because if your fridge is moving on its own volition you have bigger fucking problems than the goddamn election"