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Joke of the Day

"[emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No"

"A friend of mine recently asked me what ballerina's wear... But I just couldn't put tu and tu together."

"I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed."

"Why didn't blacks in 1850 give high-fives? Because everyone always left them hanging!"

"That question from your wife for which either answer is wrong Apparently the third answer ""it's not the dress"" isn't right either."

"I was sitting in a bar... When a guy yells out, ""Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?"" She yelled back, ""Because I swallowed them all!"""

"""Women are crazy!"" ""Did one try to murder you unprovoked?"" ""No I just disappeared from her life with no notice & she went all PSYCHO on me."""

"Mom always told me to eat my vegetables... I never could though, the wheelchair was just too gross."

"Optimist- The glass is half full Pessimist- The glass is half empty Engineer- The glass is twice the size it needs to be. College Student- I can't afford the glass."

"Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says... ""Eoooooooohahhhhhmmmmmmmuuuuuuaaauuu..."" The second whale turns to the first and says. ""Frank what the fuck is wrong with you?"""