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Joke of the Day

"Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,... why don't you ever smile in my pictures?"

"If you're the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room."

"Just saw a bumper sticker that said ""I'd rather be tweeting."" It was on a car that was flipped upside down in a ditch."

"Do you know who Candice is?? Candice who?? Candice dick fit in your mouth??"

"What is the coolest food on the planet? Burr-ito!"

"Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to come to my door."

"Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies? I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest."

"What do you call a guy who watches child porn on the dark web? A Tor pedo."

"""Hey, your fly's down"" Oh shit.. *pets fly's head* you'll be alright little buddy, chin up.. we'll get you some new wings"

"Did you ask her out? Yes. And? She only dates guys named Matt. Cause she likes to walk all over them? No, tattoo she can't afford to remove."