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Joke of the Day

"How many retards does it take to push a bus? Just one. They're retardedily strong."

"Twitter is all fun and games until you get that text asking what that tweet was about."

"I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire but I've only come up with one: Lying."

"Burger King is preparing to introduce a new turkey burger. Pigeons are beginning to disappear."

"In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?"

"There's a disease going around called these hands. You about to catch it."

"""Congrats Lobster Boy, u got the job"" [Lobster Boy goes in for the handshake but cuts his employer's hand clean off]"

"You know what's the only difference between Martin Luther King day and St. Patrick's day? Everybody wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's day."

"How do you get Holy Water? You put water in a pot and boil the HELL out of it."

"When is a pentagon not a pentagon? When it's intercepted by a separate plane."