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Joke of the Day

"{At the art museum with my newborn son} baby: dada? Me: it's impressionist you stupid baby"

"Only 90s kids will get this DEEZ NUTS"

"Why isn't Cindy spelled Sindie? Whoever caid C makes an S cound was ctupid."

"What do you call someone who can't turn pancakes? A flip-flop."

"Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am."

"Some hipsters were camping next to me and asked for help starting a fire. So, I chased one around until his corduroys burst into flames."

"My skateboarding career and Jon Snow have a lot in common. They both ended with an Ollie."

"Germany Cracks Down on Muslim Sex Attacks By Giving Girls No' Tattoos Other choices include ""No Anal"" ""No Creampies"" ""No Bukkake"""

"A handsome man walks into a gay bar Everyone started putting their stool in!"

"The best free drug is being super, super tired and then lying down."