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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?. A tearjerker"

"If dogs have taught me anything, it's that barking is a GREAT way to get rid of people you don't want to speak to. Works for me EVERY TIME."

"Hey UK! You're looking great! Have you lost a few pounds?"

"I am going to stop procrastinating tomorrow."

"I used to hate my tumor But it grew on me."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? (From u/cherryslurpee) I won't pay 100 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"I had an addiction to soap... but thanks to some dirty bastards stealing all of it, I am clean now."

"Why are farmers the best at what they do? They are out standing in their field."

"What do you call an unimportant pachyderm? It's irrelephant."

"I put a sock on my doorknob To let people know I'm getting busy with another sock."