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Joke of the Day

"I was highly offended until I realised HR were calling me incompetent and not incontinent."

"It's important to set goals. You don't have to accomplish them or anything like that. Just set them."

"My mute grandfather always said:"

"Did you know how they found out that Dale Earnheart had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders on the dash."

"What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole [insert name of political opponent here]'s tie"

"Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide..."

"What did the joints say to the arthritis pain? Uh-Leave! I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come."

"I was talking to a 12 year old on the Internet when she told me she was an undercover cop I told her I was proud of her That's a really big job for a 12 year old"

"Scrabble is adding 5,000 new words including ""chillax"" and ""selfie."" So kids, there's never been a better time to challenge your grandparents to a game of Scrabble."

"WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it..."