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Joke of the Day

"My ex dumped me because of my constant Linkin Park references. But in the end, it doesn't even matter."

"Never tell a woman to calm down when she's drunk, it's like baptizing a cat. It's not gonna work"

"I'm much better at organizing my thoughts on Reddit than I am IRL After all, most of my comments here just have the one point."

"What do you call someone who has ancestry back to China but is a 2nd generation US citizen and is a professional bodybuilder? Ben Ching."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey!"

"*spills water on pants* ok don't let anyone think you peed your pants ""hey what happ--"" MY WATER BROKE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL"

"Trump wants to make America great again, Hilary wants to make America whole again. Together, they can make America a great hole."

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck."

"How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb? (fixed) 100. 1 to change it and 99 to stand around and complain about how they coulda done a better job."

"I tweeted to Steve Harvey tonight that he was still my favorite all-time host of Family Feud; but two and a half minutes later I tweeted again to tell him it is actually Richard Dawson"