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Joke of the Day

"LITTLE MERMAID 2016: SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!! ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*"

"I wanna get in touch with those teachers who told me that I have potential, and be like, ""Ha! I didn't amount to anything! In your face!"""

"How many drugs did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill two and a half men."

"I'd be worried about my privacy settings on Facebook too if I had as many pictures of my ugly baby as you do."

"Remember how terrified Sarah Connor was when the Terminator came around the corner @ the hospital in T2? IMAGINE IF IT HAD BEEN STEVE HARVEY"

"Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Look ask me when I get back from India okay?"

"I want to become a lawyer just so I can defend all my clients in court by saying, ""I mean, don't we all make mistakes"""

"Did you hear about the Energizer Bunny? A judge charged him with battery."

"Instructions: 1. Watch every breath someone takes 2. Watch every move someone makes 3. Watch every bond someone breaks 4. Log off Facebook"

"Why did Faraday shop at the discount bird cage store? Because of their great buy one, get one free of charge deals."