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Joke of the Day

"""As long as you append my name to a quote,... people would buy into it and take it seriously."" - Winston Churchill"

"The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers."

"What is a cardiologists favorite wine Vena Cava"

"Me: You should really try this lip gloss Her: this is super glue Me: HEAR ME OUT"

"When you are young you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team."

"arm's length what do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? a speech impediment"

"Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body, He's all right now."

"Deceitful atoms.. Never trust an atom... They make up everything."

"The worst part about by dad driving his hummer through a river was it was not his most expensive mistake. I was. It was me. I was the most expensive mistake."

"What do you call an isolated mystical forest creature? Gnome alone."