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Joke of the Day

"I'm white, but not applying SPF 100 listening to Mumford & Sons in my Subaru while at soccer practice after a nice quiche for brunch white."

"Bruce Willis is never content with how hard he dies."

"Weird Joke Q: Why did Godcreate man before woman?A: He needed a rough draft before he made a final copy."

"I'm bad at sewing Shit, wrong thread."

"Trump, Pence, Bannon, Sessions, Pompeo, Flynn, Priebus, Tillerson. Not sure Trump knows this but traditionally, you only need 4 horsemen."

"For our 25 year anniversary, my wife asked me for a present that goes from 0-200 in seconds. I got her a bathroom scale."

"As a straight male, there has always been something about the gay community that blows my mind. They give the best fucking head!"

"What do you call a whale with erectile dysfunction? Mopey Dick."

"[REQUEST] Jokes about tall people ?"

"Jesus can walk over water. I can walk over a cucumber. A cucumber exists of 90% water. This means I'm 90% Jesus."