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Joke of the Day

"I'm white, but not applying SPF 100 listening to Mumford & Sons in my Subaru while at soccer practice after a nice quiche for brunch white."

"Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? Because the didn't have the guts to do it."

"How's banging a fat chick like riding a scooter? They're both a lot of fun until your friends catch you."

"What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with a boob job? One's a crusty bus station."

"Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ? Pupil: Yes the cow ate all the grass !"

"What's the difference between a cat and a period? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a period is a pause at the end of a clause."

"How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe? He tried to blow up a police car."

"The first rule of laziness is"

"Me: Alexa, are you listening even when I don't say 'Alexa'? Alexa: No, I only listen when you say 'Alexa'. M: Thanks A: Welcome M: Hey!"

"Me: There's nothing better than a quiet evening out with friends after a hectic week. Tequila: We're gonna fight every girl in this bar!"