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Joke of the Day

"I never had to swim for my life in a shark attack but once I had to doggy-paddle really fast to get out of a pool when it was dessert time."

"Spaghetti, because you didn't like that shirt anyways"

"NSFW: Sperm 1: God I'm getting tired! How long 'til we reach the fallopian tubes? Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils."

"I can't get out of bed. These blankets has accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust!"

"""Morning sickness"" should also be used to describe the hatred of waking up in the morning. ""Sorry I was rude. I had morning sickness."""

"Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow? Because she's really French, and the French have no GUTS!"

"Wow, according to the New York Times, just kidding, I have no idea what's going on."

"We're in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn't looked down yet"

"i'm every guy who says he's taking a twitter break for mental health reasons and then returns 6 hours later"

"Where does a toilet keep his secrets? In his diarrhea."