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Joke of the Day

"Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said ""yeah right"" and put em back on the shelf"

"What happens to lawyers after they die? They lie still."

"Saw a guy smoking while pumping gas & at first glance thought 'wow that's not safe' & at second glance thought 'wow that guy's on fire'"

"what do ducks and pseudo-science have in common? it's all just a bunch of quackery."

"What did Obama say after his mom finished serving dinner? ""Thanks Omama."""

"If you say married people aren't having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers."

"I told my friend she'd drawn her eyebrows on too high... she looked surprised."

"Remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I speak no English."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotopus."

"Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual."