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Joke of the Day
"Oh my god, killer snails are after us. Walk. Walk for your lives."
Next Joke
"[talking to myself in the mirror] ""You will not be awkward today."" Person: ""Hey"" Me: ""Good. How are you?"""
"Did you hear about the fish addicted to worms? He got hooked."
"Your eyes say ""No, no!"" but your ball gag says...""Mmmph! Mmmph!"" Whatever, you have a boner so that's really all the affirmation I need."
"Me: i'll have a beer Bartender: ok it's on the house buddy Me:*grabbing him by collar* then get it down, i'm not climbing up there again"
"If you thought the last status was good, Check this one out........1"
"NSFW - What's the worst thing to hear.... What's the *worst* thing to hear after blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""
"My ex just sent me a photo of her having sex with her new boyfriend. I sent it to her Dad"
"I finally figured out why Donald Trump married Melania... ...she came from ***YUUUUUUUUUUUUG***oslavia. ~~(thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week)~~"
"I called an old friend and asked how he's been. He said ""living the dream."" I told him, hey good to hear. Turned out he just has dissociative identity disorder."