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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks."

"Me and my German girlfriend like to rate our sex on a one to ten scale while having sex. So last night we were having sex and we tried anal. The whole time she was yelling out nine!"

"Why doesn't Waldo wear stripes? He doesn't like to be spotted"

"If guns don't kill people, people kill people, Then it must also be true that toasters don't toast toast. Toast toast toast."

"After I changed sex, my daughter has been ignoring me.. It seems like I'm transparent"

"[11am] Me: oh look, it's sunny out. Me: I should go running. Me: or swimming! Me: these Doritos are delicious."

"I hate thinking of new passwords. Last time I did I chose ""Penis."" But got the error: Your password is too short. I tried BBCPenis, that was too many characters. Guess that ones too long."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Why call him? He ain't coming!"

"What do Muslims do before a jager bomb? Press the button"

"Advice to the worm Sleep in late!"