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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring one."

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"I'll bet the lady on this bus can't fart. She'd never shut up long enough to build the required pressure."
"No wonder ghosts can be disruptive. Some are hundreds of years old and they have to hear us say shit like ""My mouse is out of batteries."""
"Lady Astronaut: *eats all the chocolate* Guy Astronaut: You know we're on the space shuttle for- LA: SHUTTLE YOUR MOUTH AND GIVE ME SPACE"
"Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink? He found a leek there."
"Mexican, Chinese, Jew & Black jokes are all the same. Once Jew heard Juan, Yu heard Jamal."
"[NSFW] MY wife walked in on me fucking my daughter... I wasn't sure if she was surprised by the fact that I was fucking my daughter, or the fact that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus..."
"""What else can we think about?""- Insomnia"
"Woman: ""I'm a sucker for a man in a suit and tie."" Man: ""You had me at 'I'm a sucker'."""
"'Why are they arresting that dog?!? What did he do?!?' --my 6yo upon seeing a police dog sitting in the back of a police car"