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Joke of the Day

"What has 72 teeth and can hold back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper."

"Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room."

"What does a code-switching trilingual Russian say when he wants to increase his bovine supply? Mas cow."

"When I see you, I'm a 10... On the [Mohs scale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohs_scale_of_mineral_hardness#Minerals)."

"It is very wrong to ask a woman how much she weighs. (xpost from r/showerthoughts) Weight depends on the gravitational force of the planet you are on. You should ask her how massive she is."

"You know whats sad? A depressed onion cutting itself."

"How many I.T. workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none, just upgrade to windows"

"What do you call a reptile that works as a detective? An investigator."

"Remember your elementary gym ""coach""? I should've worked out more for his girlfriend"

"JUDGE: i sentence you to life in prison MY LAWYER WHO IS A HOUSE FLY: nice that's only like 11 days"